Hold Me Together (Oneshot)
by pencils-up-write
Summary: Set in "The One With Two Parties", kind of follows the show, my own take on what Ross and Rachel's date was like before the party, and what he said to her after Chandler handed her off to him in the hallway. Rachel thinks she is made up of her parents, Ross knows she isn't. Ross&Rachel fluff, some Chandler&Rachel sibling love. Tried my best to keep them in character! K to be safe.
Rachel leaned forward on the couch with a heavy sigh, placing her head between her hands. Her mother, sitting beside her, either didn't notice her daughter's distress or simply misunderstood it, pressing forward in her complaints about her father's boat. Rachel wasn't sure if she wanted to scream at her mother or burst into tears, but there was definite frustration building in her chest. She felt like she was about to explode into a fiery combustion. "Mom, but isn't this the boat we used to watch the fireworks in?" she spoke for the first time since she had entered the room, her voice shaking slightly with anxiety.

"Well yes dear, but that wasn't exactly wonderful, was it? I mean, your sister puked every year and your father was always _yelling_! Goodness, I would go to say that was one of the _worst_ nights of the year!" she exclaimed, her hand motions wild.

Rachel paused, her voice suddenly not wanting to show itself. "It- it what? The… the _worst_ night…" she asked softly, looking at her mom with wide eyes.

Her mother didn't notice the effect her words had made, continuing with flamboyant gestures and extreme tones. "Well of _course!_ Well, you wouldn't _actually_ expect me to enjoy that!" she cried, obviously not looking for an answer.

Rachel watched her, the noise of her complaining a dull throb in her ears as distraught acceptance sank into her. She leant back into the couch, her eyes following the woman she had thought she knew as she paced back and forth across Monica's livingroom. After a few moments of this, she shot up from her seat, her hands flying to her temples. "Enough, mom! I'm done with this!" she burst out, cutting off the older woman mid-sentence.

Her mother looked at her with wide eyes. "Honey, what-"

"Just… just…" she stuttered, trying not to offend her mother with the profanities in her head begging to be released. "I'll be back in a minute!" She said hotly, spinning around and striding out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Seconds after exiting the room, she collided with the wall, slamming her head into it with purpose and frustration. She found the throbbing to be a nice distraction from her emotional disarray, and repeated the motion countless times, finally losing feeling in her forehead and sinking down to her knees against the wall, fighting the tears begging to be spilt. "Don't you cry Rachel, don't you cry…" she murmured, clenching her eyes shut as she turned to have her back against the wall, curling her legs up and resting her head between her knees. _Why couldn't Ross and I just stay in the restaurant?_ She wondered silently. The date had been great. Ross had been his usual goofy, adorable self, and had been sneaking glances across the table at her all night, his eyes filled with this certain lovesick _awe_ that sent her heart racing at a wild pace. Then the waiter started flirting with her, or at least that was what a very agitated Ross told her when they went to the "bathroom", which apparently means he slams her against the hallway wall to the bathroom and kisses her for a good five minutes, not that she had any problem with that definition. She allowed a small smile through her distress at the memory.

 _~~The Restaurant~~_

"I'm telling you, he is flirting with you!" Ross insisted as they leaned against opposite sides of the hallway, arms crossed defensively as they usually were when discussing other men.

She ran her fingers through her hair with a tired but amused smile. "No, he is _not!_ He's just being friendly! Male waiters are always like this, they're just nicer than girls!" she insisted.

He gave her his signature, _Are you serious?_ look that was usually reserved for Joey.

"Oh…" she said softly, eyes widening in realization. "Wait, so waiters don't always give you wine on the house?!" she exclaimed.

Ross ran a hand through his own hair, giving a short laugh. "Uh, heh, _no!_ "

She sighed, tilting her head back against the wall before giving him an apologetic look. "Sorry." she mumbled, covering her face with both hands. "I'm an idiot."

She heard him sigh, and peeked through her fingers to see him shaking his head, looking at her with adoring eyes. "It's not your fault you're beautiful." he mumbled, pushing himself off the wall and crossing the hallway to lean over her, a soft smile on his face. "And you're not an idiot, you're blissfully innocent." he teased lightly.

She quirked an eyebrow, her hands falling to trail up his chest. "Beautiful? Yes, very much, thank you." she answered in a chipper voice before placing an alluring smile on her face. "Innocent? Well, I wouldn't say that." she whispered, grabbing the collar of his shirt and tugging him down to her, connecting their lips in fiery passion that could be experienced only by the two of them alone.

He let out a low, growl-like moan and placed one hand beside her head on the wall, the other arm trailing down her form to curl around her waist, pulling her to him body firmly as he deepened the kiss.

She parted from him nearly a minute later, breathing like she had just run a marathon and leaning her head into his shoulder. He lowered his head next to hers, and she felt his breaths ruffle the hair by her ear. Her hands released his collar to wrap around his waist, holding him close, wishing to never let go. She opened her eyes, and it took her only a second to realize they were no longer alone. The impulse to gasp left her, and instead she felt a grin growing on her face. "Hey Ross, baby?" she murmured, fighting the wide smile.

His head stirred as he answered, but didn't raise it yet. "What?" he breathed.

She let out a giggle. "I don't think that waiter will be bothering you any more." she managed, before the giggles took over.

"Huh? What do you…?" he started, standing to his full height and turning around. When his eyes met with the wide-eyed man at the end of the hallway, his face broke into a smug grin. "Hi." he greeted him, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her to his chest possessively.

For once, she let him take control, rather proud of how proud _he_ was to have her. The giggles increased into full-out laughter as she heard retreating footsteps, and she felt his chest shaking against her head as he joined in her amusement.

"Sorry!" she called out, not caring if he was still there or not. "I'm taken!" She felt herself being pulled at, and Ross held her out a little bit so they could look at each other. She gave him a wide smile.

He grinned back. "And I'm the luckiest man in the world." he said, his gaze not leaving hers. "I love you, Rach. Happy birthday." he murmured.

She didn't have time to answer before he was pushing her to the wall again, once again claiming her lips as they shared a perfect kiss against the men's room door.

 _~~Present~~_

And after that, they had finished dinner and drove home to hell. Rachel shook her head slowly, hoping to bury her head in her hands so she wouldn't have to think anymore. Her efforts were proved futile though, when moments later Chandler burst from his room chasing some girl. She didn't hear what he said, but it sounded entirely ridiculous. When silence consumed the room, she knew she had been spotted.

"How's it holding up Tiger?"

She lifted her head slowly, fixing him in a look. He held his hands up in surrender, giving her a small smile.

"Sorry." he said. "I got a lot of those when my parents were… y'know."

She offered a weak, apologetic smile. "No, it's fine." she said. "How did you deal with it?" was her question a few moments later, staring at the ground.

She barely heard his answer, something very Chandler-like about wetting his bed, before the long-awaited explosion occurred. She was standing and screaming about the night, tugging at her hair and waving her arms wildly, both traits she had learned from her mom. The explosion though, was from years of her dad's outbursts after hours of containing his frustration. She was _both_ of them! Together! In one person! How was she supposed to live if both parts of her were being torn apart?!

"...Rachel! Rachel! Slow down!" Chandler's voice broke into her thoughts, and she looked up at him with wild eyes.

"What? What?!" she asked frantically.

"I'm going to give you a hug now, alright?" he said carefully, looking at her as if she was holding a lit match and a bomb.

She nodded pathetically, and he took a hesitant step forward before wrapping his arms around her. She closed her eyes and answered accordingly, sighing at the warmth. It was nothing like Ross's arms around her, holding her like he would never let go, but Chandler had a brotherly quality that she had never been able to attribute to Ross, or anyone else really, and she accepted his hug gratefully. She heard a door open, and felt Chandler move her, but didn't bother to try to identify the new presence. That was, until the arms were being changed and suddenly a familiar scent was hanging around her in the air. A door shutting was the sign that they were alone. "Ross." was all she said, burying her face into his shirt.

He answered by kissing the top of her head for a moment, lifting one hand to stroke her hair gently. "Yeah." he answered softly. "It's me."

She lifted her head to look at him, feeling tears building behind her eyes. It was all too much. Her parents, two parties… _him._ She tugged him back, stumbling against the step in the hall but refusing to let go for one second. Even as she pulled him around the corner and down the half-flight of stairs her arms did not leave his waist. It was only when they were at the little break in the stairway did she let her hands release and slide around to rest on his chest. His arms stayed wrapped around her, holding her tightly. That's one of the things she loved about him. Even if she felt like letting go, if she tried to, he would hold them together on his own until she realized she was an idiot to bother resisting. Even so, she was trying to resist.

"Rach, just let go." he urged her softly.

She tried to resist, she really did. She was trying so hard to hold in the tears. They all had their own problems, their own troubles. Goddamnit Phoebe could be on Oprah but she kept her chin up! And yet, she finally let her walls down with a shudder, her shoulders falling as the tears slipped out. "They… they hate each other." she sobbed into his chest, unwilling to look at him while she was in such a state. "I remember when I… I was little, y'know? I remember… he used to give her a kiss when he went to work and when he came home. They used to clean the dishes together and… and…" her voice faded into sobs for a while, the front of his shirt now soaked. She felt his hold on her tighten, and she let herself stop trying to talk for a while, to just absorb him and the wordless comfort he was trying to offer her. She risked a glance up, and saw him looking down at her with pain in his eyes, like he wanted desperately to help but wasn't sure how. He didn't realize how much he was doing just by being there. She sniffled a few more times, the ugly crying beginning to fade into small gasps and silent tears. He moved his hand from her hair to her cheek, holding her face and wiping away the tears.

"Rach…" he began, searching for something to say.

She sighed and lifted her own hands to wipe away the remaining tears that had escaped his gentle touch, turning her gaze to the ground beside him and stepping away to lean against the wall. "But that was a long time ago." she finished softly. "But… they're both… they're both _in_ me, you know?" she tried to explain. "I'm both of them! I'm them… together!" she repeated her thoughts from earlier. "What am I if the things that made me aren't together anymore?!" she exclaimed, starting into a frenzy again. "They shaped me! They _are_ me! Look at me, Ross! I'm falling apart because _they_ are!" she let out a choked sob, holding her hand to her mouth tightly, trying to contain herself as the other stopped mid-tug in her hair.

Ross took a step forward, shaking his head. "Rach, just stop!" he commanded, grabbing both her wrists and holding them in the air to stop the damage to her head. "They are _parts_ of you. They're not _all_ of you!" he said in an almost pleading tone, watching her with worried alarm.

Rachel paused, realizing she was scaring him. "Sorry, sorry, I must be scaring the crap out of you." she sighed, trying to turn away, but stopped by a pull on her wrists.

"I'm scared _for_ you Rach, not _of_ you." he sighed, seeming to collect his thoughts before speaking again. "There's a part of you, a big part, that isn't your mom or your dad. It's not a waitress or a girl who ditched her own wedding. It's not the daughter of two parents who are splitting up. It's just _Rachel_ , and that's the part I fell in love with." he said with that soft, nervous chuckle that was so perfectly Ross. "It's the part that had the guts to run away from a safe, planned-out life and a safe marriage to make her own story. The girl that just endured _two freaking hours_ of a man and a woman who didn't realize the mistake they made until far later than you! Look at you, Rach! You were smart enough to not do what they did, and you're so much better off for it! Just because _they_ are falling apart doesn't mean _you_ will. You may get a few cracks, but I swear to god I will be there to hold you together!" he shouted, his dark eyes burning with passion, shaking her wrists for emphasis.

By now, she was crying again, tears trailing down her cheeks. But she wasn't shaking anymore, and her eyes were shining with love.

"Okay?" he asked, his voice softer now.

She managed a nod, a small smile breaking through her tears like the sun parting a small pathway through the rain. "You're hurting my wrists." she added, choking out a laugh.

He gave a small smile and released her arms. "Sorry." he chuckled, ducking his head and then looking back up at her with a slight tilt to his head.

It was then she realized his eyes were glimmering with tears. "Oh no, don't you dare cry!" she exclaimed with a teary laugh, grabbing his face with both hands and shaking it lightly.

An embarrassed laugh sounded from him, and he shook his head in denial. "I'm not crying." he protested, despite the tear that was beginning it's way down his cheek.

She smiled hopelessly in response, using her thumb to wipe it away before leaning forward. "Maybe this will make you stop, you stupid-head." she murmured, pressing her lips against his to cut off any response.

He sighed into the kiss, both arms wrapping around her waist and holding her so tightly that only the tips of her toes touched the ground.

The kiss was wet from their tears and smelled like salt and it was messy and he kept having to push her tangled hair away when it fell into her face, but it was passionate and loving and she felt completely and entirely safe for the first time that night in his arms. And this time it wasn't a safe she was going to run away from. It was a safe that she hadn't expected and jumped out at her in the midst of complete and utter chaos. She knew that after this they would have to go back to the party and she would have to endure her parents again, and in the following months she would be tugged towards certain sides and she would piss people off and people would piss her off. But she knew that when she really needed it, when she was cracking, these arms would be ready to hold her together, and that was all the safe she needed.


End file.
